His biggest gift

Dhyani Maria Kovar (DE) Psychotherapist, student of Osho teaches people to understand how their nervous and spiritual systems work so that they can enjoy life to the fullest.

One is an actor. One is a lorry driver. Another is a spiritual guru. You know, it doesn’t matter what you are, what matters is that you follow your inner call, and that you live what you really want to live and what your meaning or sense of life is.

I was always into discovering the essence of life and questioning. And then there was an event when I was 13 years old. It was actually when I had a really, really heavy accident and I was in a coma.

When I came out of the coma, I had speech and I was totally in the present, but I had lost my memory. Then, I would ask in the hospital, “Where am I? What happened?” 

They would tell me and after 10 minutes I would have already forgotten, but I could sense a vibe that they became impatient and I would even address this: “Oh, I can sense you are impatient, but would you please tell me what happened?”

And it was somehow funny when my parents came. They were so happy that I had just woken up. I was also happy because I could mirror their emotion.

And then I asked, “Oh, and who are you?”

My mother started crying…

“Okay, okay, okay. I have no problem. The man behind you must be my father. I have no problem with you being my parents.”

And then slowly, slowly the memory came back and it was as if I had a choice, whether to stay in this very wonderful, kind of neutral state of simple presence, or… You know, the memories coming back were the good ones, but also the bad ones. It’s not possible to have only the good ones, they only coexist together with the bad ones. It felt like a spiderweb. It was like re-entering a spiderweb which could, for some people, mean that you are not free. But on the other hand, it gives you security and safety. 

So it was a deep, deep acknowledgment, and finding of what actually life means. You know, that there is a present state always, but I could see how easily it’s forgotten in the spiderweb, where we somehow lose our centre and get lost in stories. But that was really the start of my spiritual journey.

When I first arrived in India, I was only 21. I was looking for a palm leaf library in Hyderabad, which I had heard of – and there were a few mystical things happening in my life. That’s where I felt, “Oh, it’s my destiny to find such a library.”

In Hyderabad I had a vision of Osho calling me to Pune – and I didn’t even know he was staying in Pune, but I booked a flight ticket, flew to Pune, and then I found out that Osho has his ashram, or we can call it meditation and therapy centre, there. And that was quite amazing, to trust that inner call and to find out that he was actually living in Pune at that time.

My first meeting with Osho… I always would think of ‘meeting a person’ [that] I would meet the person in person. Even though I went to Pune to meet him, the first meeting was not in person. It was as if the body was a hindrance to really meet deeply. So it was some kind of transmission happening, where I was so close to him.

Of course I also met him in person at that time, but I very often had experiences that I would sit in his lecture, where thousands of people would be, and he would answer a question, or give advice, that I was just busy with. It was always really very personal. 

And I even experienced at some point, even though he didn’t have an intimate, personal relationship – because he had his people around him – he one time sent somebody who was close to him to meet me and to say, “Just stay here. All is good and don’t be afraid, and just allow that to happen.” There was a very deep trust to whatever would be happening, whatever I would see, whatever I would experience. 

Also, I realised it’s not about experiences.

It’s about really, simply, being who you are.

It was a big playground, to be around Osho, because he offered all spiritual paths that you can think of, in order to find yourself. It was like a big university with nine faculties. There was a faculty of Tibetan Healing, of Western Therapy, of Tantra, the faculty of Western Medicine, the faculty of Zen Sports. It was really like a fun place to experiment and to explore.

After he had died, it took me three days to really acknowledge and see him in the eyes of everybody, or in the living trees, in all of life. It was like recognising Osho as the very life essence, in myself and also in life around me.

It was like, in a way, a gift of recognition that there is not really a separate me, but that we are all connected.

So, that was his biggest gift.

Dhyani Maria Kovar (DE)
Psychotherapist and Osho’s disciple
being-awake.com

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